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What I have been up to…

What I have been up to…

Yo! It’s been a while. Turns out writing time can be a bit hard to come by when you’re arguably the UK’s best and most handsome spore supplier! It’s been an eventful few months, so get yourself a nice cup of tea or some booze, arrange your cushions to the optimum level of comfort, and buckle up for a glorious summation of the past month or so…

Reasonable tequila
A nice bit of reasonably-priced splosh

Got fuckin’ Covid

I’m going to start early by saying that I love vaccinations and if you don’t that’s great, I don’t care. If you feel the burning need to try and engage in any kind of vaccine chat, feel free to post your well-reasoned arguments to “the bin closest to you” to save me having to read them, cheers.

Basically I got quite ill, had to take a week or so off my day job. Tested negative every day. I was due to go back, did a test, and then tested positive and got properly sick for a good ten days. It was fucking horrible. Turns out I had some kind of funky chest infection the first week and then managed to upgrade that to a nice slice of Covid the following week. Lovely. First time I’d had it, and I had this vision in my head of “yeah boyee I’ll just play video games and chill out with some time off work” but it actually turns out I was too miserable to play any games and it fucking sucked. I was then in a huge panic because I was due to fly to Amsterdam with the Mycopunks crew. I finally managed to test negative the day before I had to travel, which was cutting it a bit close to the bone for my liking!

Fucking bellend

Went to Amsterdam

I went to Amsterdam! That’s been a long-term destination since I was a 15 year old stoner sitting around going “wow man I’d love to go there because you can smoke weed wherever you like and they’ve got titty ladies in the windows”. I am now 40, I don’t smoke weed any more, and I’m in committed relationship, but get this – it turns out there’s more to Amsterdam than fannies and plants! Who knew?!

It was quite a laugh travelling with the Mycopunks team as they’re all lovely people, and we went about our merry way, carousing and cavorting all over the place. Special mentions go to the awesome microbe museum, Micropia, where you can look at all kinds of microscopic shenanigans (including mycelium, obviously), the suggestively named steakhouse Mr Meat (spoilers: Mr Meat did indeed put his fingers in my mouth and on the way out I was drunk so I told him I loved him and I regret nothing), and the best escape room I’ve ever experienced at Amsterdam Catacombs. I seriously lost my shit at one part of the experience, it was amazing, if you go to Amsterdam you should absolutely give it a go.

Lovely dinner, great company, yes I take the mask everywhere, I’m like Batman

Yeah I still went to a weed shop and the Red Light district

Well I couldn’t not, could I? When in Rome and all that.

Weed shops: probably really cool if that’s your bag (pun intended), I bought a joint of drugs that made me conduct a forensically thorough character assassination of myself for several hours after just a few tokes (this is why I don’t normally smoke weed) so yeah, turns out even if I’m in Amsterdam, the Devil’s Lettuce ain’t the right high for me.

We then went to a shop where we could buy magic truffles, which was nice! I was, however, half-cut from lots of nice lager and whisky, and the shop man was actually being ethical and refused to sell them to me until the next day. Fuck that, obviously, so I got the lovely Paola Mycopunks to get them for me, and then I also went next door to a shop that advertised something called “Sex Opium” and let me tell you, that guy didn’t give a fuck, and sold me lots of truffles.

The Red Light district was, to be honest, fucking weird. Like I say, I’m 40 now, and not to brag, but I’ve seen upwards of four vaginas in my life, and several pairs of boobs, so it’s not got quite the same draw for me as it had when I was 15, where the sum total of bob and vegene views was zero, despite all my best efforts. There was a different atmosphere there to the rest of the place, it was a lot more hectic whereas all the other places we went to were super relaxed and friendly.

Also there were a whole lot of people queueing up to watch porn in cinemas which is something that spun me out a bit given the fact that we’ve all got the Porno Device in our pockets 24/7 these days. Takes all sorts, innit.

Chris at Mushroom Museum
Chris always looks this suspicious

Mushrooms, Liquid Culture, etc

So it transpires that in Amsterdam you can buy liquid culture in the shops, which is cool because it’s a really good way to grow mushrooms (speeds things up quite a bit, and you can make sure it’s super clean). Sadly, it’s illegal in the UK as contains mycelium, so even though it’s super easy to make, you can’t. Because of this, no-one really sells spores over there! What a place.

Classic B. Dolan

Royal Mail strikes again

Once more just in case – I support the strike action, people need more money. The Royal Mail strikes are fuckin’ killing me. There have been four strike days in the past two weeks, and the amount of emails I get about it is crazy. People are very understanding when I explain to them, which is nice, but it adds a lot of time to my already stretched day, so if you’re reading this, don’t worry, it’s all on it’s way still, it’s just late due to the state of Tory Britain.

Anyway, that’s what’s been on – stay safe, and remember, don’t vote Tory.