I am the main ape behind Orangutan Trading Co. 

I am also not really an ape, they don't tend to manage a laptop keyboard very well at the best of times.

I make and sell spore syringes from all your favourite Psilocybe cubensis mushrooms (amongst others), that's kinda my thing, and I sell them from the UK to pretty much everywhere! I've been doing it since 2020, and I've built the business up from being just me in my house to having a million employees and being the richest man in the world. That bit isn't true. People seem to really like what we do though, and that's just as good as far as I'm concerned.

I suppose if I have to toot my own trumpet (I do not like tooting my own trumpet), I'm very well-versed in many mycology-related techniques: agar work, aseptic technique, making spore prints, processing spore prints into (lots of) syringes, and growing mushrooms in general (only the legal ones though, obviously). I've got a FdSc in Environmental and Public Health amongst various other qualifications (AET, CET, IQA, all those sorts of acronyms), and for a lot of years I was a teacher, before eventually being promoted to being in charge of the entire education department with around 40 members of staff. I now apply all this staggeringly analytical brainworm energy to mycology, and this career is even better because I can now write "fuck" and "piss" without getting into trouble. Even "bastard fuckfaces" sometimes, just for the love of the game.

I can also do all the other bollocks you have to do when you're a micro-business owner, like panicking, waking up at 1am to fix tech issues, and arguing with HMRC.