Hello and welcome to another instalment of me writing about things that I have just thought about. Gonna start off with a bit about Golden Teacher spores, then I’ll probably write about something else for a bit, treat myself, sort of thing. Probably postal strikes and Tories, that’s the usual vibe. Here we go:
Everyone loves Golden Teacher Spores!
You would not believe the amount of these that I sell. I’m not gonna release sales figures or anything because, y’know, that sort of thing is Secret Details, but everybody seems to absolutely love them. I often find this a bit weird, because all of the phenotypes of Psilocybe Cubensis mushrooms are broadly similar. People often state as fact that they’re easier or more hardy or something, but I don’t actually think it’s true! I think these people think what they’re saying is true, but it’s all based off anecdotal experience, which is great and all but doesn’t cut the mustard. Don’t get me wrong, they’re amazing, but so are the other types – give it all a whirl! I’m not even sure where the myth comes from, but nonetheless it’s now part of public perception that you must start with Golden Teachers and so most people do. I’m a bit of an odd case because I first started looking at Ban Hua Thai instead. That’s probably because I’m weird.
About fifteen bazillion Golden Teacher spores
Postal Strikes
I absolutely categorically support anyone who is striking in order to get fairer conditions. It should never have to come to a strike, especially when there’s a lot of profit being generated, but it’s part of the toolkit to get motherfuckers to listen. It’s okay for business to make profit, but everyone needs a decent enough share of the pie.
There are a lot more Royal Mail strikes planned for the next few months, and it causes chaos at Orangutan Manor. I get quite a few emails asking “yo where’s my spores”, which I don’t mind answering, but it does take up quite a bit of time. How it works is this: one day of Royal Mail strike action doesn’t just cause one day of delay, it can cause several. They can’t suddenly push double the amount the next day, so stuff arrives gradually as they process the packages sent on strike days. I have noticed that this isn’t even getting done in any particular order, which does seem strange to me but I’m not privy to the internal workings of the mysterious postal system. The important thing is stuff isn’t getting lost, it’s just slower.
I still buy Viz comic, I think I’ve developed Stockholm Syndrome
Amsterdam
You may or may not read my social media posts (if you don’t you should, they’re great). If you do, you will notice that I’m going to Amsterdam with Chris and the lovely team at Mycopunks!
I’ve never been there before, and yeah it’s going to be a bit of a working trip (getting some daft videos and such), but it should still be a decent laugh and I am absolutely going to be fitting in lots of Beer Time. Work-wise, Chris and I are going to do another Instagram Live video which seemed to go down well last time so if you’ve got any burning questions that you want to ask us, keep an eye on Chris’ Insta page, probably on Friday 4th/Saturday 5th of November.
If you’ve got any decent suggestions for what to do in Amsterdam, feel free to let us know. Going to go to some mushroom shops and the Red Light District obviously (no solicitation though because I’m in a committed relationship and all that), probably hire a boat and go Fast and Furious up the canals or something as well. I’m also going to go to a bar called In’t Aepjen, because you used to be able to swap monkeys for beer there (no shit), but other than that I have no plans. If you’ve got any ideas, throw them our way! Orders will still be going out as normal even when I’m away, thanks to my awesome Simian assistant. He doesn’t vote Tory and neither should anyone ah fuck I almost made it all the way without being political, never mind.
How’s it going? Hope everyone’s enjoying this brief preview of the future of the planet (spoilers: we’re fucked), it’s pretty warm, I hate sleeping in the heat and my missus doesn’t like the noise of a fan so I am currently running on “about to go fucking mental” 24/7. I called the kettle a “noisy bastard” earlier. Good times all round!
A few people have messaged and asked “will the heat cause any problems with the spores when they’re being posted?” – but don’t worry, it’s not a problem at all. Spores are essentially a suit of armour around the fragile living part inside, and they’re designed to protect against extremes in temperature. Being posted on a hot day won’t make a single bit of difference to the quality, so relax and have an ice lolly whilst you wait for your rad spores!
These are the best ice-creams going and I will brook no discussion about it
Podcast when?
Still trying to find time to fit this in, and I went and took the microphone up to Chris Mycopunk’s house when I visited him at the start of July and left it there, so I’m waiting for him to post it all back to me.
However, if you want to have a look at what it might be like, me and Chris did an Instagram Live over on his page, so you can check out just how entertaining (or not) it would be to listen to us answer questions and chat shit to each other. If that sounds cool to you, click on this sentence and all of your dreams will come true. It was a hell of a laugh to produce, and it’s something we’re both keen to repeat, so I will endeavour to make it a regular thing.
Handsome couple of devils right here
Price increase!
The financially astute amongst you will notice that prices have gone up a touch, to £13 a spore syringe, and £17 a print. I don’t particularly like raising prices, but every single part of my supply chain is now more expensive, from electricity, syringes, needles, luer lock caps, postage, packaging, fuck, even the parcel tape I use to seal the boxes is now more expensive. It’s just one of those things, I guess. There are a lot of separate expenses that come together to make an awesome spore syringe and get it into your hands!
Fucking Tories
It’s been entertaining watching the vultures peck at each other, but sadly no matter how it all shakes out, we’re still gonna end up with another shithouse Prime Minister. Might even end up with the billionaire who cut the £20 per week uplift in Universal Credit, because we’re living in the most bizarre timeline.
I’m glad Boris Johnson is fucking off, because he adheres to the Trump Playbook of “I’ll do what I want” and that’s probably wrecked the country for a decade to come, but none of the rest of them are much better. All of them seem to be running on a platform of “cut taxes” and what we actually need is “more taxes on big business” because places like Tesco are reporting record profits well into the billions whilst paying their staff so little that their wages get subsidised by taxpayer’s money.
I don’t have a lot of faith in the Labour party in it’s current form to capitalise on the Conservatives failures, and ain’t that a shame? A half-competent opposition should be wiping the floor with this bunch of fucking failsons but nope.
If he was hiding in my fridge I would throw it in the sea
Anyway, have a nice weekend, don’t get heatstroke, and don’t vote Tory.
So those of you that have been following me for a while will have noticed a few things I’ve mentioned. One, I grew up in poverty for the most of my childhood (and hell, a large part of my adult life), and Two, I’m not a fan of the Tories. It affects people, growing up that poor, and we are gonna be sadly seeing a whole lot more of that social issue.
Today’s blog post is gonna address a bit of that. If you don’t like what I’m saying, or you disagree with it, or think I’m a dick, then cool! Start a blog and call me an idiot or something, have fun.
We’re in a bit of a “perfect storm” of shit at the moment in the UK, caused by a Government that explicitly doesn’t give a fuck about poor people. I grant you, COVID, Brexit and now the horrific war in Ukraine are going to cause these problems to get worse, but if our Government were inclined to manage the situation in any meaningful way then I think things would be working out better. I’m also going to add here that Brexit was a fucking stupid decision because, y’know, Brexit was a fucking stupid decision.
Things are going to get tough. It doesn’t take an Orangutan-themed spore shuffler to tell you that though, does it? Things are going to get tough for a lot of people out there, and there are going to be a lot of difficult childhoods. Most of these issues are going to affect the poorest amongst us the most, and they’re also going to push a lot of other people that might’ve just been keeping their heads above water into poverty. Even Martin Lewis is saying that there’s no further wiggle room for people to get their bills down, and that the Government needs to meaningfully intervene, and they just fucking don’t because it doesn’t affect them.
How do they keep getting voted in
Housing!
Where I live in Cornwall, there’s already a huge housing crisis caused by Airbnbs not being regulated in any way (so it’s much easier for a landlord to earn far more with far less regulation than it would be if they rented their property out to people that actually wanted to live there). People who are being evicted are unable to find anywhere sensibly priced to rent due to this shortage, and there is no social housing because surprise surprise it hasn’t been built in sufficient numbers to meet demand since the big Tory selloff in the 80’s. In Cornwall, these people are being told they will have to relocate to temporary accommodation in Wales, causing families where the mum and dad aren’t together to have to make the rough decision as to where their kids end up staying. This is clearly a fucking awful state of affairs on it’s own. Rents are expensive everywhere thanks to this housing market fuckery, and unless you’ve got a family member willing to throw you £30k+ (or you still live at home and can save heavily), then you’re in a lose/lose situation.
Food!
Our Glorious Overlords said that Brexit would lead to cheaper food but yeah once again that was just a really blatant lie like the magical NHS money. Food prices are going up at a crazy rate, and this has a lot of knock on effects. Schools are reportedly having to reduce what they’re providing for kids due to soaring bills, and again, this is going to affect the poor kids the most, because that might be the only hot meal they get all day. Foodbank use is likely to hit another record high, kids are already going hungry, parents are already skipping meals, and this is going to stretch those resources even further. My local MP (and I pray every day he wakes up with a suspicious cough that rapidly gets worse) has suggested that people just need to start buying own-brand foods! Yes I’m sure they haven’t thought of that, George, you fucking husk, they’ve all been eating Waitrose caviar three meals a day up to this point, maybe they can cut down to Prosecco in their packed lunches rather than Champagne to save a quid or two.
If you are hungry, please try and get in touch with the services that let you access your local foodbank, and if you can’t do that, then consider the viewpoint that it’s not morally wrong to steal from supermarkets. Supermarkets such as Tesco pay their staff so little that they have to have their wages subsidised by Working Tax Credits, which means your taxes have gone into supporting Tesco make record profits (there are a suspicious amount of record profits getting made by these big companies when they don’t seem to be able to afford to pay their staff). A friend of mine who is struggling financially has started scanning a lot of food items through as Onions on the ol’ self checkouts. Your morality is your own, but I don’t see the issue there. Obviously don’t go shoplifting from little places, only fucking huge billion-pound profit businesses.
If it’s good enough for Dunston it’s good enough for me
Fuel!
Whooooo motherfucker have you seen those gas and electric bills? People are now supposedly shutting their own electric off and living without it because even if you cut your usage right down, there’s still a standing charge to pay. Fire Stations are having to warn people not to just start burning things in their houses if they don’t have a fireplace. I swear to fucking God that if you tried to write a story like this even five years ago it would seem far-fetched. Petrol/Diesel bills are through the roof. Again, this is going to push a lot of people into inescapable poverty. Obviously, fuel companies are… hang the fuck on? Posting record profits?! Honestly, we’re being taken for a fucking ride here. A very expensive ride.
Could always give them back a little bit of fuel
All of that and the mental health services are fucked!
So this would likely be a time when people would need to be reaching out for various support services, but in completely normal news for this version of reality, the Tories have gutted funding for that kind of thing, so people who are struggling are going to be finding it hard to reach any kind of meaningful help. Fun fact! I used to volunteer for the Samaritans for a short period maybe a decade ago, and we had lots of people ringing us as their GPs were referring them to our free service because there literally wasn’t anything else they could do. There were so few paid services for them to turn to that they had to lean on a free service staffed by volunteers. What a country!
What can I do?
Great question. What can you do? I dunno. This is kinda the “good news” part of this post though, because there’s a million ways you can make people’s lives a bit better. Anything you do that helps take the edge off someone else’s bad day is you succeeding as a decent human.
The first, most obvious, but hardest, is money. If you’re in a spot where you can throw a few quid to your local foodbank, do it. Pick up a few extra tins of something in your local shop and donate it. Fuck, even do that thing people have advocated online where you just don’t scan the shit you’re gonna donate to the foodbank, and then drop it into the foodbank collection trolley (it’s not technically shoplifting as it’s not leaving the store with you).
If you can’t afford to do that (and I expect this is the case for a lot of people), see if you can volunteer somewhere that’s doing some good in your local community. There’s lots of options out there, and they’ll all help to smooth out the shittiest bits of another human’s existence. Samaritans? Sure. Foodbank? Yup. Community Orchards? Yes mate. Anything and everything.
Ain’t got the time for volunteering? Again, I get it. Could well be that you’re having to work multiple jobs just to keep your own lights on and food on the table and if that’s the case then cool. You can’t pour from an empty glass – you need to make sure you’re okay first, and there’s no shame in that.
I’m fully expecting to be bumping into people who are quite frankly losing their shit in the coming years, and so personally I’m going to try and cut everyone a lot more slack, and try and be a bit more understanding.
Seems like a good way to live
If there’s one takeaway from reading this let it be this part!
Whoever you are, know that you’re valued by someone. If you’re struggling, please try and reach out to Shelter, or the Samaritans, or Man Down, or a mate, or family, or anyone. There might be some means of making your struggle a little lighter that you haven’t noticed, and maybe they can help get you in touch with the right people. I’ve had some help from Shelter and Samaritans myself in the past, and in both cases it helped enough.
If you’re in a good spot personally, and you’re able to help others a bit, even a tiny bit, then do it, in whatever form that takes. There are a lot of people who are going to need support, and you could be a part of making someone’s life a little more bearable. Also don’t vote Tory.
So obviously I’m writing this a little late. Mostly these days I use my Instagram page to put any important info up, so if you haven’t already, pop over there and give me a follow!
Post Office was shut on the 15th April for Good Friday, and again today (Monday 18th). What this means is all the spore orders that came in on Friday got posted Saturday, and everything from 5ish on Friday is being packed up in a bit and posted first thing Tuesday 19th. Not much of a delay, and not one I have any control over, but there we are!
Standard bank holiday carnage. I am too old for this shit now haha
Spore Syringe availability
Whatever is on the site is what I’ve currently got, and it does change sometimes! I recently had a customer asking me when the APE Reverts were coming back, and I was happy to be able to tell him it’d be a few days. After making the syringes, they have to go through a bit of a microscopic testing process to make sure that there have been no errors on my behalf. I’ve got a lot of different varieties, so sometimes life gets in the way and I get a bit backed up on this. Recently I’ve been a bit poorly (all the fun symptoms of Covid, none of the positive tests that would get me any time off work), so some evenings I’ve just been having to lie on the couch, moan, and drink Lemsips (they’re vile but my brain thinks it’s decent medicine). If there’s ever anything that is out of stock it’s always worth dropping me a message, as I should be able to let you know a rough ETA for restock. These are only rough estimates, as sometimes things beyond my control happen, but I’m happy to let you know when I think the items you want will be back in. Spore Prints are a perfect example of this – I’ve got fucking loads of them, but not much time to cut them down into individual prints, so I sometimes wait until people ask and then cut a whole batch up at once.
Workin’ hard for a living
Cool stuff that’s coming up
Well it’s cool for me anyway! Going away for a few days at the start of May to watch Tool in Manchester, so I’ve recruited a glamorous assistant who’s gonna handle the packing up and posting for me when I’m not here (they’re a mate who’s just happy to lend a hand). I’m still a very small business, so most of the time it’ll still only be me, but I’ve now got the option of a bit of help if the shit hits the fan. This means that from this point on, there won’t need to be any times when I can’t post due to having a little holiday or anything, and also means if for whatever reason I get sick the business can still roll on regardless! Got some bigger plans for the next few years too which are quite exciting but I’m not gonna bang on about them yet just in case they don’t come off.
Never thought I’d have the chance to see these dudes, can’t wait!
Bloody Peacemaker innit bruv
Have you seen Peacemaker yet? It’s all about what John Cena’s character does after the events of Suicide Squad 2, and fuck me it’s good. Really funny, has a decent bit of heart to it, great action sequences, and John Cena is amazingly watchable. I was able to watch it via Now TV, and it gets the completely made-up Orangutan Seal of Approval. I’m not the biggest DC film fan, I mean, yeah, I watch them but I’m pretty ambivalent about them (although I thought Suicide Squad 2 was great), so I think it’s probably more that I like James Gunn’s writing and directorial influence. The man knows how to make films about weird superheroes in a funny way, that feels genuine. Anyway, watch Peacemaker, don’t vote Tory.
Crikey. Things have gone a bit weird lately, eh? I’ve not had the best of mental health throughout the whole Covid thing. I am a bit of a worrier sometimes, and also I could probably take slightly better care of myself, so Covid had me shitting it a bit. Whatever your take on it is, great, more power to ya, but I banged those vaccines in my arm the second I could. Fill me full of it. If someone had come up to me in a nightclub back in the day with some free stuff in a syringe I’d have had one in each arm so it seemed like a no-brainer to me. I know some of the psychedelic crowd aren’t into this and hey! Whatever. You do you. We can all get along.
And then just as it seems like that might be getting a bit more manageable, Putin decides to add to my brainworm collection, start killing loads of innocent civilians, and moves us a little bit closer to the kind of war that the Fallout games begin with. Now, I quite like the Fallout games, but that’s because it’s got a nice mix of 1950’s Americana in there; that might sound fun, but picture where we’d be: a mash-up of all the worse bits of that crossed with Tory Britain. Gigantic radioactive dickheads sanctioning everyone. I’m alright, thanks.
Goddamn dingus
I am now Not Young, I was born in the early 80’s, and I used to read shitloads when I was a kid. So obviously I had the vague vibe of “oh man maybe one day some dickhead is gonna push a button and I am going to melt” as a constant bit of background information in my little brain. I too have seen When the Wind Blows as a child (it was a bit unsettling). In the past 20 years, I haven’t really thought about it, but here we are again, except this time I’ve got a couple of youngsters to look after now, and I’d quite like it if they got to be old people one day.
I’d genuinely thought that the world had moved past the idea of Nuclear bombs being an option, and it’s kinda shit that all of that stuff seems to be back on the table. Like my dad used to say to me when I was young, “Putin you fucking stupid bastard, leave your sister alone and stop being a twat” (strange coincidence that he used to call me Putin I suppose).
I’m not a dude that gets particularly anxious on the regular, but yeah, it’s been a long couple of years, if I’m honest, and I’m certainly drinking and smoking too much as a bit of a crappy coping strategy. I’m checking the fuckin’ news way too many times a day too, and I’m not finding it very helpful, I’m just fucking compelled to. Doomscroll till the break of dawn, baby.
Man toots like it’s going out of fashion
But! Here’s what I’m doing, anyway. I’m trying to remind myself that this is yet another situation that I have no control over, and very little real information on. There’s so much about this situation that I will never know, so I’m trying to worry less about it. I’ve also got zero input on whether things escalate or not (obviously me and the current Government aren’t really on speaking terms anymore, haha), so there’s little point me worrying about it. Everything could get better, who knows. I hope so anyway.
Bit of heavy one really, eh? I hope you and yours are safe, warm, and fed, and continue to be.
Anyway, next time it’s back to irreverent bullshit hopefully. Been playing a lot of Elden Ring, that’s got mushrooms and magic in, so it’s probably on-topic enough! Seriously Elden Ring is really good.
